Ashley Gets Lost

Imagine you’re on a beach on Crete on a Saturday morning. You got there a little earlier than usual because it’s the weekend and you want to score a good lounger. You get your shit set up and put in an order for a smoothie, but something is still missing from your hand.

Enter the donut man.

He’s yelling stuff like “Fresh food! Fresh donuts! Chocolate, vanilla, and sugar!” And if you want one, he sets up his little serving rack, puts down his box, and fishes one out for you. This isn’t my first rodeo with interacting with a beach donut man, but it is my first time this year. Are they actually fresh? I don’t know. I could believe that they were fresh earlier that morning, but it really hit the spot. Nothing like eating a donut in a bikini on the beach. Joshua and I are also pretty sure that in order to be a donut man, you have to be old and have a white beard. We saw another one a couple hours later, and he had all the right looks. I like to think their sons are at home cooking donuts in the morning, waiting for their first white beard hair so that they can spend a morning or two on the beach.

I’ve been getting to the beach as much as I can, and it seems to be working out for Joshua and I to have one paid lounger beach sesh a week. It’s like a date. We share a club sandwich and drink some beers. On Saturday I read a whole novel on the beach. I think we were there for maybe four hours?

We also love going to more unstructured beaches and bringing our own shit. I’m doing that at least once or twice a week. Last week we went to Kera beach, which is nearby, with Cezara and Happy. Happy got wet, rolled in sand, and then settled down in the shade. I had my tits out for hours. Some other women saw me and got theirs out too. Someone has to start the titty revolution!

One of my favorite things about Glommo going outside is coming across him in compromising positions. Sometimes he’s in a tree. Sometimes he’s laying across the stairs like on of Leonardo’s french girls.

Sometimes he’s watching you sweep up sand with an air of superiority.

My garden is doing “ok”. I think I definitely need to set up some shade, either like now or next year. But I have eaten my first garden tomato! This guy. Wasn’t he cute? And I have a cucumber in my refrigerator that I’m going to eat soon!

Paulina took me a club to meet some of her Greek friends on Saturday, and we came across this absolute dick mobile on our way back to the hotel around 4am. This is Paulina showing off her addition to this masterpiece of community art. Her friends are maybe fancy and got us to the club for free and had seats up by the dj in the VIP section. So I can cross dancing on a raised platform in a club VIP section off my bucket list. It might seem a little late in life to achieve that goal, but I’d never actually been to a night club until a year and a half ago when I went to watch my friend/burlesque teacher perform contortion on a stage. So I’m like brand new at clubs. And maybe too old to stay up that late.

AND AND AND. My good friend and very talented photographer Sabrina blew me up real big for her booth at a tattoo convention in Denver last weekend. I wish I could’ve been there to support her and maybe get myself a new tattoo, but alas, I am in paradise and waiting for after beach season for more tattoos. Are you in Denver and want a badass woman to make you feel like an absolute goddess in photos?! Contact Sabrina!

Unfortunately Crete isn’t all sunshine and good vibes all the time for everyone. My friend Nina takes care of several colonies of cats in Chania, and she can’t let herself walk by a cat in distress. Last week someone poisoned one of her colonies by the beach, and she has costs adding up for fosters to keep the rest of the cats safe. And then she ran across this skinny sick cat. Apparently her heart is big enough to help all these cats, but unfortunately her wallet isn’t. Please check out her facebook page and donate if you can. Even a few dollars helps when they add up. She has her paypal on facebook, or you’re welcome to venmo me if that’s easier. I transfer every cat donation I get right to her!

Whew, what a weekend. And I have another one coming up! We’re headed to Santorini for a long weekend, and then my roommate from college, Nurse Katie and her husband Dr. Bob (scientist, no romantic small town clinic doctor and nurse romance here, unfortunately) will be here visiting for a week!