Ashley Gets Lost

The potato chip situation here is off the chain. The Pringles here seem to be on the same path as Oreo in America. What kind of weird thing will they think of next?! Honestly, most of these sound good, and maybe I should be feeling sorry for all of you in America who only have regular pizza flavored Pringles and not “Passport Flavours Italian Style Pepperoni Pizza Flavour”. They put “Flavour” twice so so you know they have a lot, and they threw that British U in there to make it fancy. Also why is this cheese flamin? Like Flamin Hot Cheetos or like the cheese here that they set on fire and extinguish with booze?!

But then we also have Cheesy Cheese, which implies that they are very cheesy. Also not bad are these Pizza Hut chips.

The “flavour” has been inspired by an iconic restaurant! So these are fine, but the real iconic restaurant flavor star is the KFC bag. They taste like a secret blend of herbs and spices fantasy come true. My favorite part is that, as far as I can tell, there are no Pizza Huts or KFC restaurants on this island. I’ve seen literally one Dominoes in Chania, but the pizza is so good everywhere that I don’t know why one would want Dominoes. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I do want Dominoes. If it tastes the same as American Dominoes, it might be a fun taste of home!

Also I just had the idea that I should bread chicken in crushed up KFC chips. It is 9:30 am and I am feeling out of control with good ideas. This morning’s other good ideas: Sweeping the porch after I potted plants at 9 pm last night. Sure, it was less hot, but by the time I was done? Totes dark out there. I made a mess that I could pretend wasn’t there in the dark mystery of night time, but not so much in the morning. I also made a salt water bath for my face jewelry because they weren’t feeling so fresh. Damn it. My other good ideas are just like chores I got done. Never mind about good ideas except the potato chip chicken one. That’s definitely happening.

People in my Greek travel Facebook groups are always going on and on about Tzatziki Lays. They are desperate for more once they return to America, so I had to try them. They are pretty good! They give sour cream and onion vibes honestly. Only instead of onion it’s cucumber. Also a classic Lay’s chip is just a vision of perfection. So thin and salty. Chef’s kiss! If anyone knows the Chef at Lay’s (that has to be a real job, right?), please give them a big juicy kiss from me.

Joshua and Felix have both been wishing upon a star for some corn chips. I told them that I see them at pretty much every grocery shop. They were apparently thrown off by the word nacho. Sure, some of them are flavored, but these are just called that because they’re the chips you would use for nachos. Felix almost put them back when he saw that they are gluten free. I explained that corn chips are gluten free because there’s no gluten in corn. There is also no gluten in potatoes, but there probably is in the flavoring. MSG, mmm.

Let’s talk about why I’m really showing you these chips. Is it just me or does the El Sabor mascot look like he wants to sell me drugs? He definitely has weed, but I am fairly certain he has cocaine as well. I don’t think he uses it. He looks pretty chill, but he be where the cash be, am I right?

Ok, I promised crimes, and so far I have only presented you with delicious misdemeanors, some of them as simple as spelling flavoring with a u. Those can be let off with a warning. Shit’s about to get real.

Chili and lime? That’s fine. That’s normal enough. Kebab and spare ribs is where it starts getting funky. Also these bags are small and cost 4.50 Euros (I need to figure out how to type the Euro symbol), which means I have not tried them. I could literally get a rack of actual ribs for the cost of three bags of these chips. I might need to try them for the story though.

Can we talk about this TERRiFYiNG (why are the i’s small?!) Jalapeno and Cream Cheese Inferno situation?! The shop owner, my new friend George, caught me taking this picture and we had a good laugh. I don’t want to be terrified when I eat chips. The true horror of chip eating is finding out how many crumbs got caught in my cleavage when I take my bra off at night (or let’s get real, as soon as I get home).

And I’m gonna tie this all up with not a chip, but a cracker from the Asian section of George’s shop.

I love that they say “Labzter” on the top but then spelled it right underneath. I will not be trying these. Not even for science. I could be persuaded to eat one if someone were to buy them and then offer me monetary compensation for any oral discomfort resulting upon consumption.

I honestly don’t even eat that many chips. Joshua and Felix are pretty much the only reason I even look at them. Joshua’s faves are thick kettle style chips, and he’s been real into the exotic flavor of “salt” lately. Felix has been sticking to tried and true teenager classics like “Flaming Hot Doritos”. He is no longer interested in the humble Cheeto. I would go to town on a bag of Cheetos if I saw some that weren’t the color of the devil’s butthole. I like classic orange, the color of Chester the Cheetah’s butthole, which is the color nature intended Cheetos to be.

However, I might start buying a strange bag every now and then just so I can report my findings. I’m making pizza for dinner tonight, and I need some more toppings, so I’ll find some fun chips to try just for you!